So, what do you do?
So, what do you do?
If you have ever had a conversation with a human in your life, my guess is that you have been asked this question. As my husband and I work in ministry, we have encountered a lot of conversations with new people and we have had our fair share of small talk. We have both found that when you meet people, you always seem to ask the same question. “So, what do you do?”.
When we are having these sometimes uncomfortable little conversations, this line is so often the first go-to question. What line of work are you in? What do you do? Where do you work? And to be honest, I am not sure of the roots of this. Why is that our automatic go to? I’m sure there are studies on it, but I think we can all agree that our culture tends to focus on careers. Ours lives seem to revolve around what profession we are part of. I mean, it is essentially how we identify ourselves. Even in these initial interactions.
What I overlooked for a long time though is the reality of how difficult this question can actually be.
When my husband took a job as a pastor a couple of years ago and we moved to a new town, I found myself without a in the midst of a job hunt and suddenly having a lot of similar conversations of…. “So, what do you do”.
You know what isn’t fun to say 30 times each Sunday? “Oh, well I’m currently unemployed and looking for a job”. Cue the awkward deep sigh, and “Oh, well … I’m sure you will find something!”. The reality is that I think people sincerely mean well when they ask this. I doubt that the majority of humanity is like “Oh, let’s make this individual feel bad about themselves!”. But the reality is that, unfortunately, that question can carry a lot of baggage.
The difficult truth is that when you ask this you could be asking someone who has gone through a difficult season, had an injury, been let go, or searching for months. The person could be a stay at home mom, they could be embarrassed by their line of work, they could have a disability you’re unaware of, they could have an addiction that has kept them from holding down any job for the past few years. The reality is that so often people are carrying more baggage than we even know. And especially with the impacts of COVID, there is an increased number of individuals who find themselves without work and therefore in a dark place.
Now I write this not to shame anyone. I mean, we love our communities and all the people we interact with now on a daily basis. And again, I truly don’t think people mean to be hurtful when they ask this question. I just know for a long time that I would ask everyone I met this question, and think nothing of it. It seems like an easy go to.
But my fun little challenge this week is to approach those uncomfortable and new conversations with an increased focus on an individual and not what they do.
The next time you meet someone new, try not to ask the question “So, what do you do?” It may be harder than you think! To help you out, here are a few other questions you ask people that aren’t as career based:
“So, tell me a little about you!”
”What hobbies do you have?”
“What have you been up to this week?”
“What are you passionate about?”
“What is the best thing you’ve got going on in your life at the moment?”
“Are you from [this area]?/What is your favorite place you have lived?”
“Do you play any instruments?'“
“So what is your favorite restaurant in the area?”
“Have you watched any good TV shows lately” (if you know they have a TV).
“Where have you seen Jesus in your life this week?”
I know those may seem silly, but I have personally noticed when someone takes the time to ask more about me and not just my job. And it has meant a lot! Again, I say none of this to call anyone out. If you are asking the “So, what do you do?” question, it means that you are talking to someone you don’t know. For that I already think you are a rockstar. (For real, you are awesome for making that connection). My hope is only to bring a new thought to the conversation. Let’s enter this week with an increased focus on people as humans… not just their careers.
So… now, tell me a little about yourself! :)
